Helping Your Child Manage Big Emotions in the Primary Years

During the primary school years, children experience a wide range of emotions as they grow and encounter new challenges. From frustration to excitement, these “big emotions” can sometimes feel overwhelming, and managing them can be difficult for young children. As a parent, you play a vital role in helping your child understand and regulate their emotions, fostering emotional intelligence and resilience.

Here are eight practical tips to help your child manage big emotions, encouraging healthy emotional expression and equipping them with the tools they need to navigate emotional situations.

1) Acknowledge and Validate Their Emotions

One of the most important things you can do is acknowledge and validate your child’s feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to experience a full range of emotions.

• Use Empathetic Language: Say things like, “I can see you’re really upset right now,” or “It’s okay to feel frustrated.” This helps your child feel understood and supported.
• Avoid Minimizing Feelings: Resist the urge to say, “Don’t cry” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, acknowledge that even small things can feel big to them.
• Encourage Emotional Expression: Teach your child to label their emotions, saying “I feel angry” or “I’m sad,” which helps them communicate how they’re feeling.

2) Teach Emotional Awareness and Vocabulary

Helping your child understand their emotions starts with teaching them to recognize and name their feelings.

• Introduce Emotion Words: Use everyday moments to introduce emotion words like “frustrated,” “excited,” or “proud,” expanding their emotional vocabulary.
• Use Books and Stories: Discuss characters’ emotions in stories to help your child relate to different feelings. Ask, “How do you think this character feels?”
• Model Emotional Awareness: Share your own emotions. For example, “I’m feeling frustrated because I made a mistake, but I know I can fix it,” shows them that emotions are normal and manageable.

3) Encourage Healthy Ways to Express Emotions

Teaching your child how to express emotions constructively is essential for emotional regulation.

• Create a Safe Space: Let your child know it’s okay to express their emotions at home. Whether they need to talk or take quiet time, support their way of processing feelings.
• Encourage Physical Activity: Sometimes, emotions like anger or frustration can be released through physical movement. Encourage them to run, jump, or dance when feeling upset.
• Use Creative Outlets: Drawing, painting, or writing can help your child express emotions. They could draw a picture of how they feel or write about a challenging situation.
• Teach Deep Breathing: Show your child how to take deep breaths when they’re upset, which helps calm their nervous system and regain control.

4) Teach Problem-Solving and Coping Skills

Help your child develop problem-solving strategies and coping techniques for when emotions run high.

• Model Problem-Solving: If your child is upset because of a problem, help them think through solutions. Ask, “What can we do to make this easier?” to encourage critical thinking.
• Introduce “Calm-Down” Techniques: Teach your child to use coping strategies like deep breathing, counting to 10, or squeezing a stress ball when emotions get overwhelming.
• Role-Play Scenarios: Practice emotional regulation through role-playing. Act out a situation where they might get upset and practice calming techniques together.

5) Stay Calm and Be a Role Model

Your child learns how to manage emotions by watching how you handle your own. Modelling calm responses teaches them how to react to emotional situations.

• Stay Calm During Outbursts: When your child is upset, remain calm yourself. Responding with frustration might escalate the situation, so speak in a soothing tone to help them calm down.
• Demonstrate Emotional Regulation: If you’re feeling stressed or frustrated, show your child how you handle it. For example, say, “I’m going to take a few deep breaths to calm down.

6) Set Clear Boundaries Around Behaviour

While all emotions are valid, it’s important to teach your child that not all behaviours are appropriate when expressing feelings.

• Establish Ground Rules: Let your child know that while it’s okay to feel angry, it’s not okay to hit or throw things. Teach them to use words or take a break instead.
• Be Consistent with Consequences: If your child crosses a boundary, calmly explain why their behaviour is unacceptable and follow through with consistent consequences.
• Reinforce Positive Behaviour: Praise your child when they handle emotions well. For example, “I’m really proud of how you took deep breaths to calm down earlier.”

7) Help Them Build Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Teaching your child resilience equips them to manage big emotions in healthy ways.

• Encourage a Growth Mindset: Frame mistakes and challenges as learning opportunities. For example, “It’s okay if you made a mistake—you’re learning.”
• Teach Coping with Disappointment: Help your child process disappointment, saying, “I know you’re upset you didn’t win the game, but you worked really hard.”
• Model Optimism: Encourage your child to find something positive in tough situations. Teach them to focus on what they’ve learned rather than what went wrong.

8) Seek Professional Support if Needed

Sometimes, children struggle with emotional regulation, and additional support may be helpful.

• Talk to a Teacher or Counsellor: If your child’s emotions are affecting their school experience, reach out to their teacher or school counsellor for additional resources and strategies.
• Consider Therapy: If your child experiences frequent emotional difficulties, therapy can provide them with tools to better manage their emotions and cope with challenges.

Summary

Helping your child manage big emotions is a critical part of their development. By acknowledging their feelings, teaching emotional awareness, and encouraging healthy coping strategies, you can help your child develop emotional intelligence and resilience. These tools will empower them to handle life’s emotional ups and downs with confidence, allowing them to navigate challenges with greater ease and self-control. With your guidance, they’ll learn that emotions are natural—and that managing them is a skill they can master.